Three simple ways to capture memories for your Kids
Tonight as we were winding down the day, I watched my husband, Lawrence, holding our almost 14 month old son, Kolbe, in his arms. Kolbe was snuggled in his sleep sack and sucking contentedly on his bottle as Lawrence looked down at him. Our daughter Faith was happily musing aloud to herself and absentmindedly nestled in beside her dad as well. It was one of those, “Wow, if I could just capture this” moments. I think we’ve all heard those nostalgic and well-meaning phrases like, “It all goes so fast!”
Coming to terms with time has been a whole journey for me and I will save that larger theme for another post. I have been learning to find the balance between enjoying the moment, accepting that it will pass and sometimes letting that be ‘enough’. Or, somehow capturing it in a simple way so that this beautiful slice of time may be preserved and revisited in the future.
That last part is a little tricky though. There are all sorts of ways to preserve memories and I have experimented with a good few.
When we had our first child, Faith, I was given one of those little “My First Year” books. The concept is sweet, but for me it always felt overwhelming to have to remember to take a photo every month, and remember the particular day any given milestone happened. I found it hard to remember what milestones I was supposed to be watching out for, let alone capture them on camera or in writing (and actually getting photos physically printed? Definitely for the too hard basket). If I missed a few things, all the effort didn’t worthwhile.
My dear mother-in-law, bless her, is energetic to say the least. She somehow managed to capture every hair, tooth and fingernail that grew on each of her children, wrote it down with the time and date and could produce it at will if you asked. OK, so maybe not the fingernails, but everything else is accurate. Just thinking about recording the details of tooth protrusion and first baby steps and pretty much any other milestone stresses me out. My frazzled brain just amplifies the task and it feels like a lot of pressure.
Another idea I tried was keeping a “Line-a-day” Journal. In case you haven’t heard of these, they have space to write a line or two for every day of the year. Each page holds five paragraph spaces, so essentially you can look back on each date and compare what happened each day over those last five years. For the sentimental soul, it sounds like a fabulous way to somehow ‘capture’ significant moments in time. I was enamoured with the idea and bought a beautiful One-line-a-Day journal. I burned it within a few weeks (OK, that sounds a bit dramatic. I decided it wasn’t for me and it just happened to be winter so I literally did add it to the kindling).
What happened is that I started it and then the very thing that was supposed to be fun and joyful, actually felt a little burdensome. I felt like I had to capture the “essential” of every day, boil it down to two meaningful lines and then actually remember to write it down. That was a bit much for everyday.
Sidenote 1: some people enjoy this process and that is awesome, it is just not for me.
Sidenote 2: if it sounds like I get easily overwhelmed, bear in mind that this was something I was aiming to undertake as a stay home mum with little ones. My brain practically shuts off for all intents and purposes each day around the 5pm mark.
So I realised I wasn’t a ‘one line a day’ person, but the exercise definitely got me thinking. I began reflecting on what was actually at the heart of this desire to “capture” time and memories in some way. I had seen or tried various ways of doing this but they all seemed to stress me out a little and made me feel like I had to fit into a box or keep up a checklist, which took the beauty and fun out of capturing the memories in the first place.
I remembered learning about the concepts of ‘chronos’ and ‘kairos’. These are the ancient Greek words for time. Chronos refers to chronological or sequential time (ie. time as we know it). Kairos has a more transcendental meaning; biblically it refers to a special or chosen time or season, a time for God’s action. I have also heard these terms explained with the images of chronos as a horizontal line (representing a chronological sequence of time) and kairos as a vertical line (symbolising sacred experiences of time when the temporal and eternal meet).
Reflecting on these two elements of time, it occurred to me that what I really wanted was to capture the ‘kairos’ moments not so much the play by play of the ‘chronos’ events of daily life. Trying to capture specifics was another thing ‘to do’ and even a little sad for me. For some reason it reminded me of passing days that wouldn’t return.
Capturing the ‘kairos’ moments on the other hand, was a life-giving concept. What if I found a way to capture and preserve memories, special words, thoughts or moments of ‘kairos’ time? And instead of worrying about when steps were taken or when teeth grew in, what if I could shift my focus to think about remembering what made moments special, even if they happened on insignificant days? In 20 years when I reflect back with my children on their childhoods, isn’t that what will matter anyway?
That said, here are my three simple ways of capturing those kairos moments of your kids as they grow:
Begin a Letter Journal
Unlike a list of factual events that you have to keep up with, a letter journal is about capturing memories. I think the kairos concept came together with learning about bullet journalling, and voila, my daughter’s letter journal was born. You can buy a gorgeous journal, or grab one from the drawer and just cover it with wrapping paper - the outside is not as important as the treasure within. The idea is to have one journal for each of your children, write letters to them when inspired and then give it to them as a surprise when they turn eighteen - I figured I literally cannot fail at this. If I only managed to write one letter a year for each child, that is eighteen letters, wahoo! And in all likelihood, there will surely be some times that I can organise my year well enough to write two! You can share anything in your letters: what is on your heart in the moment, what’s happening in your child’s life, what you love about them. Whatever you like, it’s your letter.
2. Create a Memory Box
Pick any storage box size that works and keep birthday cards, artwork or anything else that is really memorable for each child. The thing I really like about these is that you can “throw” things in there as you go along and you can always prune it down to the essentials as the years go by. It’s easy, and it kind of makes itself over time Dawn from ‘The Minimal Mom’ on Youtube talks about these (at minute 7:35) here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HCEbxCLqGs&list=PLZ-AWUEixtg38akLxxLCwKh-m7Hhs3jyO&index=1
3. Email your kids
Outright apology here - I read about this recently and legitimately have no memory recall on where I read it (case in point, I need simple, sustainable-for-me ideas because this is not a life season of heightened mental awareness). Anyway, the idea is simple: create an email address for your child and send them emails and photos when you feel inspired. My first email to my daughter, Faith (3), was about a spontaneous trip to the bookstore. I ran in to buy some labels and she found a kids colouring table. She ended up entering her first colouring competition and we enjoyed some mother-daughter bonding over colouring pages. It was short, simple, fun and memorable. And it had nothing to do with a Milestone! Choose a birthday to give them the password. When they open it up they will find your ready-made memories and notes awaiting them. Bonus: you can always share the email address with special friends or family members who might want to send them a note from time to time too!
